Fifty Shades Of Grey

Fifty Shades of Grey
directed by Sam Taylor-Johnson, based on the novel by E.L. James
starring Dakota Johnson, Jamie Dornan, Marcia Gay Harden

DISCLAIMER: I did not read the book of Fifty Shades of Grey. I am only responding to the film I saw. And yes, I waited until all the hoopla and hysteria had died down after the Valentine's Day release and only watched it out of sheer curiosity.


SUMMARY:
Virgin college student Anastasia by chance meets young billionaire tycoon Christian Grey, who suddenly becomes interested in her mousy, bumbling, harware store clerk, virgin steez. They play push and pull games until he bumrushes his way into her life, demands that she stop drinking, buys her clothes and gifts, and proposes that she agree to be his sex slave sans any normal romance.

Instead of thinking GTFOHWTS and running for the hills, Ana is intrigued enough to see what will happen. The romantic-minded goon chooses to be deflowered by the freak, and then enters his naughty "game room" a few times for a little S&M slap and tickle. Much to the gratification of the straight male and lesbian audience, Dakota Johnson is only too happy to get buck nekkid on screen for these romps, with her bit-o-honey boobs and teacup ass. (Baring skin on film is a family tradition, from grandma Tippi Hedren flashing a little skin in the Hitchcock thriller Marnie to mama Melanie Griffith in Brian DePalma's Body Double.)

Though she's already entered the Chamber of Freakness, Ana still refuses to sign Christian's formal contract stipulating details of their dominant and submissive relationship. The contract presents very specific clauses regarding the use of a number of items, some of which Ana agrees to, but the film nervously backs off from showing viewers any interaction with dildoes, butt plugs, vibrators, nipple or genital clamps, or ball gags. This is an R rating and not an X, after all. Not that I'm complaining. Some of that stuff sounds hella uncomfortable.

Though the titular entrepreneur insists that he cannot conduct a normal romantic relationship, he confusingly says he is devoted to Ana, refers to her as his girlfriend, buys her expensive gifts, kisses and caresses her extensively, and does everything he can to keep her around. Except when play time comes around, she's not allowed to initiate or reciprocate any touching. It's just the way I am, he says over and over. He tries to explain that his weird desires relate to being born to a crack-addicted mother who mistreated him before he was adopted by a rich family and ... *yawn*, I'm sorry, I fell asleep for a minute.

In the end, Ana says no to Christian and all his kinky proclivities. She has fallen in love with him (because she is a romantic fool who predictably falls for an unavailable man, and because, let's face it, he may be a freak but he's a rich freak), but he will never love her on her terms. Thanks, Captain Obvious.

OBSERVATIONS

1) This movie isn't as sexy as I thought it would be. Maybe because I find the actor playing Christian Grey about as appealing as a swamp possum. Here Jamie Dornan is actually kind of creepy, I guess because he's supposed to be tortured and all. But he and Dakota Johnson have exactly zero chemistry. (He reminds me of passive aggressive Keir Dullea who snatches up one of the lesbian lovers in The Fox.)

2) The film doesn't spend enough time stressing what's at stake for the characters. I kept waiting for some sort of real conflict to kick in. What do each of them stand to lose? The only burning issue is whether they will get into a real S&M partnership, but the whole thing is soft-pedaled. Ana just seems to mull it over: Do I want coffee? Should I take a yoga class? Should I kneel naked and handcuffed for hours while this dude smacks me on me naughty bits with leather fringe?

3) There is no sizzle. The film has zero tension. Now, if Ana had exhibited real fear or more open curiosity or even freaked out about being a submissive, that would be interesting. If she threatened to out him as a weirdo to his family, his company, and the media, that would be interesting. If the flick had more overtly demonstrated that Christian was struggling against falling in love with her and considering giving up the dominant behavior, that would be interesting. But neither the script nor these actors do anything but walk through the setups.

4) For a film about dominant/submissive relationships, Fifty Shades doesn't really explore the psychology of that world. We see Dakota writhing around, but does she gain real pleasure from being put in the submissive position, or is she only doing it to please Christian? He promises that she will feel absolute freedom and total ecstasy in her role. But that doesn't seem to be what's going down for Miss Steele. (In the 90s, I read the erotic Sleeping Beauty trilogy by Anne Rice, under the nom de plume A.N. Roquelaure. Now THAT was a deep dive into a fully detailed WORLD of S&M dominants and submissives, with explicit descriptions of the freaky sex acts and twisted torments going down; but the books also disclosed revelations about the intimate bonds and powerful lessons of humility gained by the participants, and explored the unique human relationship between pleasure and pain.)

5) 50 Shades is really the age-old story of a girl meeting a Bad Boy and deciding that she can change him. Of course, she can't. When she finally figures out that she can't, she leaves.

I was surprised when the film ended, because I was expecting a more interesting twist. With her final "No," I wanted Ana to turn the tables and become the dominatrix that Christian so clearly needs. I wanted that "No" to be backed with "Christian, now you are going to meet me in the game room on your knees, buddy."

Now that would have been interesting.