So now, a week after its opening, you've already seen it. If you haven't I'd say check it out, it's entertaining and delves deeper into the mythology of Bond than previous films. Don't want to offer any spoilers, but in no particular order here are
TWELVE THINGS I LEARNED WATCHING SKYFALL:
1. Bond never dies.
Nor does he age significantly. I know, obvious after so many films. He's just on vacation until the next assignment. Or until Mommy calls. More on this below.
2.You can never go home again.
Particularly if you are into high-stakes international espionage with a well-financed, p.o.'ed shadow on your tail. Because said home is guaranteed to go up in smoke, and that's a shame -- even if it is an isolated Scottish estate with more foreboding atmosphere than ten Wuthering Heights and enough bad memories to launch a legion of malcontents, it's still purty.
3. A bad bleached blonde dye job is the first indication of a mental break.
Particularly in a male. It will lead to instant villainy, delusions of grandeur, and a quest for world domination. Some people just shouldn't go blonde (that means you, Javier Bardem) and when they do, bad things will happen.
4. Javier Bardem can never top Anton Chigurh.
I have loved Bardem since I saw him portray a quadraplegic, basketball-playing former cop in Pedro Almodovar's Live Flesh in 1997. He is a gifted actor and he was a decent nemesis here. I hope he won't now be typecast into accented villain roles because he was so fabulous in No Country For Old Men, in which his Chigurh was so creepy, delusional, unpredictable and pathological that he made all of us suspect every stranger we'll ever meet again.
5. Take the shot.
Good life philosophy. Even when things go wrong, at least you tried.
6. You can overcome a weird and funny name (Moneypenny).
It's best to prove your mettle at some really dangerous gig first -- say, tracking assassins with high-powered weaponry and stunt driving in foreign countries -- before your name is ever uttered. Even if you put that aside and take a desk job later, no one will doubt that you mean business. This has nothing to do with race or sex. Develop a series of snappy double entendres to trade with your favorite agents just to prove you've still got it.
7. M stands for "Mommy."
Or "Mum" as her agents call her in the British approximation of "ma'am." I love Judi Dench as an actress, and in Skyfall we get to see a lot of her as M, and she's been running things at MI6 for a while and facing some life-changing ish. (Spoiler alert: We know a man succeeds her, but his M may well stand for something else.)
Corollary 1: As such, M's agents have some serious Mommy issues. We don't know if M has children of her own, but she knows how to manipulate her underlings emotionally and physically like the best Oedipal nightmare. Bardem's rogue agent Silva actually whines something like "mom loved you best!" OK, he doesn't actually say that. But he implies nastily that 007 is indisputably M's favorite.
Corollary 2: Further, "orphans make the best agents." The better for M to assume that maternal role in their lives. (Mere protocols keep her from making the covert calls asking, Why don't you pass the time by playing a little solitaire?" a la the nightmare political mom in The Manchurian Candidate.)
8. If there are Komodo Dragons anywhere on the premises...
... and it is not a highly secure, national zoo, keep Murphy's law in mind.
9. Bond girls are still (sort of) eye candy.
Women in the Bond franchise have become increasingly lethal and pivotal outside the bedroom (and less laughable -- remember Christmas Jones, pint-sized rocket scientist?). Halle Berry kicked ass in Die Another Day as NSA agent Jinx, but she also appeared in a bikini. Neither Naomie Harris as Moneypenny nor Bérénice Lim Marlohe appear in anything more suggestive than an evening gown (though Severine's does employ some strategically placed sheer net panels), and the Skyfall plot does turn on their character's actions. But the new Bond storylines are more politically correct than in the past, stripping away one of the traditional personality traits of our hero: Womanizer extraordinaire. It was this user mentality that allowed Bond to do what he does. Whenever he gets touchy feely and falls in love, the franchise founders.
10. James Bond is a fist with eyes.
The third time is the charm, and Daniel Craig has definitely settled into the role of Bond with Skyfall. Thanks to his casting, the iconic 007 no longer looks like an upper-crust smoothie who'd rather crack wise than crack heads. He may show up in a tuxedo, but for this Bond there are no martinis in sight (OK -- he has one but doesn't speak the immortal "shaken not stirred" line) and he speaks only when necessary. While the films stress that he went to Oxford, this Bond looks like a wiry bare-knuckles brawler who'd as soon snap your neck as look at you. (I miss the witty repartee and double entendres of the Sean Connery and Pierce Brosnan films, when there was a bit of irony, camp, and cleverness to the proceedings. Now we have a new Bond for a new generation: mostly threats and explosions.)
Corollary: And he has elf ears.
Daniel Craig wouldn't look out of place in Rivendell, is all I'm saying. You know, in the kickass archery corps fighting Orcs or something.
11. Top-secret government lists of undercover agents have a way of getting into the wrong hands.
Wasn't that the whole premise of the first Mission Impossible with Tom Cruise? The whole "knock list" debacle? I know, I know, a whole movie genre would be wiped out if this possibility didn't exist. But there's gotta be another way, people.
12. Adele RULES.
So let the sky fall/when it crumbles/ we will stand tall/face it all together at Skyfall backed by a 70-piece orchestra is just heaven. I dare you not to hum it on your way out of the theater.
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